In a recent Instagram post I asked the question: What feels life-giving to you right now? On the surface, engaging in life-giving activities is good because it’s a way of caring for ourselves as we go about our ordinary lives. But on a deeper level, paying attention to what you find life-giving can also direct you when you are making decisions or discerning your next right step. (Emily P. Freeman talks about asking questions about what is life-giving vs draining in her podcast, if you’re interested in learning more about that idea.)
I’ve begun to pay more attention to what is life-giving to me right now, partly because I’ve found myself struggling with a lot of physical and emotional exhaustion in 2021, and I feel desperate for replenishment. But underneath that, I am also trying to pay attention to what is draining versus filling me, and how being aware of these things could direct me to make necessary changes in my life.
Pay attention to sources of exhaustion.
In her book, Invitation to Retreat, author Ruth Haley Barton shares several possible sources of exhaustion we might experience, from functioning out of an inordinate sense of “ought” and “should”, to carrying around unhealed emotional wounds, as well as many other things. Although the pandemic was certainly a stressful time last year for many reasons, I realized my sources of exhaustion had more to do with things like a cancer diagnosis in my family, navigating and grieving changing relationships, and feeling like I had to constantly perform in various areas of my life to win the approval of others, to name a few.
Exploring these sources of exhaustion is deep work and recovering from them is an ongoing process, but embracing activities that are life-giving has been one way that I am finding healing and replenishment. When I’m feeling more drained and exhausted than peaceful and joyful, paying attention to what feels life-giving has also helped me make adjustments to the unhealthy rhythms in my life.
Look for what is life-giving each day.
If you aren’t sure what refuels you, or if you’re wondering how to begin paying attention to what is life-giving in your days, one simple way to begin is by taking time to reflect on your day in the evenings. Think about what was the most replenishing part of your day. What were you grateful for today? What activities brought you joy or peace? What energized you and helped you to be more loving to those around you? How can you make intentional time for the activities you identify that fill you up?
Five Life-Giving Activities
To demonstrate what this practice might look like in your life, I’m going to share five examples of life-giving activities I’ve been embracing in this season. I hope that these get you thinking about some things that might be life-giving to you, and that you’ll make time to replenish yourself and make changes to your own rhythms where needed.
1. Giving Myself Permission to Rest
As someone who is very disciplined, task-oriented, and tends to make a lot of rules for herself, giving myself permission to rest is pretty huge. By “rest” I don’t mean lying around all day, but rather ceasing striving, releasing what is unfinished for a period of time, and making space to be your authentic self.
I always feel like I should be doing something, and just being can be tough. Last year to help shift my “doing” mindset, I began to consistently embrace a day of rest on Sundays. And this spring I made the decision to let my garden rest (and me with it!) by not planting vegetables. While I miss this beloved hobby on one hand, I realize now that my decision was providence at work because I needed to give myself a break from extra yard work this year in order to make room for other more important things. Rest is a gift of replenishment and life that we give to ourselves so we can be available to people we love when it matters most.
2. Being Intentional About Slowing Down
After months of not being able to visit with family last year, and then starting January with my father receiving a cancer diagnosis, I knew I wanted to spend some extended time with my loved ones as soon as I was able. The older I get, the slower I want to live, making more time for relationships and connection than tasks and technology. I’m so grateful I intentionally set aside time to make memories with each family member I visited - these are things we will forever treasure.
Slowing down in order to be present, and to give and receive love, are the important things of life. Let’s put down our phones and stop scrolling on social media so we don’t miss out on making memories with the people we love most.
3. Finding Empowerment Through Sewing
I find machine sewing to be incredibly empowering! I already love fabric and thread, and to be able to sit down and learn to make functional things from scratch gets me really excited about possibilities.
My latest goals include learning how to sew my own clothes, and when I came across the indie pattern company Sew Liberated, I fell in love with the relaxed style of their clothing patterns and how they encourage the practice of sewing as a form of self-care. I’m especially drawn to their passion for helping women heal their relationship with clothing and style while adopting a healthy slow fashion practice. As I learn to love my changing 40-something body, creating clothes that are suited to me feels life-giving, instead of changing my body to fit in with fast fashion trends. Where are your creative pursuits breathing new life into you and allowing you to express yourself?
4. Giving Myself Permission to Dream
Paying attention to what is life-giving not only replenishes me, but it can begin to reveal a pattern that points to my dreams and desires for the future. Becoming aware of these dreams is both exciting and scary - they paint a picture of a different way that I want to live, and I want to have the courage to pursue these dreams. Being aware of what is life-giving to you can help you uncover your authentic self, and take you on a journey of discovering what you want to give to the world.
5. Taking a Spiritual Retreat
Paying attention to what I find life-giving versus draining and becoming aware of my sources of exhaustion all led me to set aside a weekend for a spiritual retreat. This weekend was primarily about removing distractions and the noise of technology from my life so I could get quiet and listen to what my heart was saying to me and what God was saying to my heart. I spent most of my time journaling, reading, and praying and it was a great time clarifying some of the things that were already stirring inside me. I came home thinking of new possibilities for the future and ready to make changes for dealing with the exhaustion in my life.
Even if you don’t take a spiritual retreat, like I did, taking extended time to be quiet with yourself is important for allowing what’s inside to come to the surface for your own health and growth.
Embracing life-giving activities is just one way to show yourself care, but if you are feeling especially exhausted, help may be needed from other sources, whether you seek counseling or therapy, talk with a life coach, or even a spiritual director.